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I’ve written many posts lately expressing my love towards, solidarity with, and ambitious perspective of humanity. I’ve written them on group pages, my dA, my tumblr, my personal facebook.  I write with hope and promise and love that I am not always able to sustain. As said in my journal on dA: 2016 was a difficult year.

I’ve been hospitalized and re-medicated, had e. coli for a while, not to mention Donald Trump is the President-Elect of the United States (a fact I regard with utmost horror and repulsion, even far more than the e. coli). It’s always going to be a difficult year though. Life’s tough. The point is how you treat the pain. Our [re]actions are what make us, and I feel I’ve grown a lot this year through the pain I have endured.

I’m full of love, passion, and fever right now. I’ve stopped self-harming again. It is very likely that I’ll start up again after a while, because it comes and goes in cycles. It all comes and goes in cycles, waves, echoes. The ebb and flow. The wind and rain. Pain even generally speaking is a boomerang. Life hits us. It hits us hard, and we only hurt ourselves when we violently hit back. I know this. I know self-harming is not part of any recovery model. But forgiving oneself is, and that is where I need to start. Maybe you do too.

The journey is different for everyone. We are all unique, our own tailored work and the forms we’ve adapted into. There have always been challenges to individualism in psychology and philosophy, but truly, you are the only “print” of you. You need to take care of yourself, as I need to take care of myself. You need to thrive as I need to thrive, but we thrive differently and in different places and with different things. Don’t let the implications of isolation drag you down. We are powerful. We live in our own universe. A whole universe fits inside our skull! If that is not beautiful, I don’t know what is.

It’s 01:37 and I’m just rambling now. I am excited for 2017. I will write more about how I approach the new year and set and organize my resolutions. Difficult year or not, hospitalization after hospitalization or not, I have grown a lot this year and so I consider 2016 a personal success. There were a lot of pitfalls, lots of crashes. It was painful and shattering but also beautiful and enriching, and I’m learning to fill the cracks in with gold. I am finding my place. I am setting my purpose and following it. I am learning. I am teaching. I am being.

This was more of a personal post, but I want to say: You are strong. You are complicated like a labyrinth. You may have monsters. I certainly do. So pay close attention to the thoughts that reach you. Make the puzzle eye-opening, enriching. Take the thoughts that nourish you. Breathe them in. Live them. You are a unique web of potential. You can do good for others and yourself. Own that. And the let the negative thoughts fall by the wayside. Acknowledge them and move on. Pour over love, not loneliness. Pour over good.

I will write one more post before the new year. Happy holidays to anyone celebrating. Happy December to anyone who’s not.

With love always

 

V.

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